<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>Fire, Fire by vampyrebites</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24866521">Fire, Fire</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/vampyrebites/pseuds/vampyrebites'>vampyrebites</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Critical Role (Web Series)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Caleb Widogast Needs a Hug, Caleb Widogast-centric, Episode 48 | Homeward Bound, Gen, How Do I Tag, Introspection, POV Caleb Widogast, Self-Loathing Caleb Widogast</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 09:13:27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,593</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24866521</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/vampyrebites/pseuds/vampyrebites</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>“I recognize them.” It was quiet, as if the figures walking away would be able to hear him. He could feel the rest of the Nein’s attention on him, trying to prompt him to say more but he couldn’t. He couldn’t.</p><p>Beginning to panic, he laid back against the wood of the cart. Unfocused eyes staring up at the sky shades of blue lighter than his own as his heart thumped harshly against his rib cage. The circling statement of ‘I shouldn’t be here’ was loud in his ears, spurring his heart into beating even faster.</p><p>Would they recognize him? Recognize the amulet that was around his neck? What were they doing here? Was it because of the attack? Too many thoughts flicked through his mind, along with flashes of his frantic escape.</p><p>“What’s going on? Are you sleepy? Are you--” Jester’s words became hard to make out, the panic in Caleb’s system blocking everything out.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>The Mighty Nein &amp; Caleb Widogast</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>115</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Fire, Fire</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hello!! This is ah, my first attempt at posting something on this intimidating site.. Also the first time, writing something in the Critical Role community. I'm a little nervous but hey, nothing to lose by putting my work out there so. I hope you enjoy this? I was just, playing around and trying to form a sort of, warm up writing to get into Caleb's head space. The idea sparked to write this while I was on my re-watch thanks to the hiatus, aaaaand here we are? Some things are glossed over in terms of, in canon actions &amp; dialogue. I was trying for more of Caleb's POV &amp;&amp; since Liam was fairly quiet during particular scenes, I sort of ran with it.</p><p>I feel like I'm rambling so, here we go-<br/>comments are definitely welcome!!</p><p>also no beta we die like illiterate men.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>It was comical, how all of their attention shifted as the blue light flashed. The Nein were a fairly vigilant bunch, and curious too, though that is what tended to get them into trouble.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cerulean blues tracked over Righteous Brand soldiers, snagging on the elven woman in fine robes, her ire directed at the unlucky soldiers. Strings tugged at his memory, from his past, though they were still clouded in a haze. The source of the blue flash -- more strings were tugged, eyes going unfocused as they stayed trained on the elven male, also in fine robes. Though while the woman’s were of green and black, the males were a deep blue. Status -- it was a symbol of status, that much was obvious.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Where did he know them from? It was clear the apparition was arcane in nature. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Where did he know them from</span>
  </em>
  <span>?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Caleb?” Beau’s voice cut through the strings of thought he was now wrapped in, so focused on trying to </span>
  <em>
    <span>remember</span>
  </em>
  <span>, Caleb didn’t answer. “You recognize them?” She questioned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Still, he didn’t answer, attention focused more intently on the elven male. He tugged and tugged at the strings, bypassing those that showed him Trent, Astrid, Wulf. Ignored the screams of Bren, tried to get a sharper focus on </span>
  <em>
    <span>where</span>
  </em>
  <span> he remembered those two figures from.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Man, I wish I could read lips..” Jester’s disappointed words drifted through the air, Nott’s response to them completely unheard by their wizard.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was as if Caleb had slipped into Frumpkin, deaf and unseeing, except that wasn't the case. And suddenly -- it clicked. Where he knew them from. His heart picked up pace in his chest as realization washed over his features, pale freckled skin growing even more so.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The bone deep instinct to </span>
  <em>
    <span>flee</span>
  </em>
  <span> gripped him, limbs locking up as he just sat there in their cart, staring at two members of the Cerberus Assembly.</span>
</p><p>
    <em>He shouldn’t be here</em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I recognize them.” It was quiet, as if the figures walking away would be able to hear him. He could feel the rest of the Nein’s attention on him, trying to prompt him to say more but he couldn’t. </span>
  <em>
    <span>He couldn’t</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beginning to panic, he laid back against the wood of the cart. Unfocused eyes staring up at the sky shades of blue lighter than his own as his heart thumped harshly against his rib cage. The circling statement of ‘</span>
  <em>
    I shouldn’t be here
  </em>
  <span>’ was loud in his ears, spurring his heart into beating even faster.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Would they recognize him? Recognize the amulet that was around his neck? What were they doing here? Was it because of the attack? Too many thoughts flicked through his mind, along with flashes of his frantic escape.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s going on? Are you sleepy? Are you--” Jester’s words became hard to make out, the panic in Caleb’s system blocking everything out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He barely noticed that the cart was even moving, blue eyes kept their unseeing focus on the sky and occasional clouds above them. Caleb's arms itched, the scars burning like wildfire. Subconsciously he began to scratch, blunt nails finding flesh beneath the cloth wraps. He spiraled in his thoughts for what felt like hours but it was only a few moments.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Slowly his eyes refocused, blinking before the sound of unfamiliar voices found his ears, Nott’s own scratchy one in the mix. He sat up, watching as the guards started to walk away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nott?” Jester’s tone was gentle in her questioning, blue fingers wrapped in the fabric of her dress betraying her worry.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hmm?” Nott sounded far away, like Caleb himself did sometimes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It caused the wizard to frown.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you want help looking?” Jester’s voice was still soft, expression almost sad.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes. If you could, could you look around this wreckage a bit and see if you find anything interesting?” Nott was carefully choosing her words, attention fixated on the ruined apothecary before them. Even though it was jester who asked, she posed her own question to the entirety of the group.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Almost all at once they spurred into motion, Caduceus’s tall frame moving from the cart first to look through the rubble. Fjord and Beau moving to do the same, the monk giving Caleb a knowing look.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He himself jumped out, going in the general direction Nott was in before unceremoniously tripping and falling face flat into the dirt. The wizard laid there for a moment before he pushed himself up, deliberately wiping the dirt all over his face and getting it into his beard. Properly standing up once he was satisfied Caleb made sure to tug his hood up, masking his features as best he could.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As a group they all started to search through the rubble, unsure of what exactly they were looking for but looking all the same. They found little, shattered alchemist equipment: glass vials, metallic containers, all charred from the fire. Soot stained their fingers as they pushed things aside, picking some things up. finding more in what likely would have been the homestead part of the establishment. Burned bedding, a child's toys in varying charred states, mundane things -- but no bodies, thankfully. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Thankfully</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Caleb didn’t know if this is what his home looked like after the embers finally died out. Were there even bodies left or simply dust? It was arcane fire -- </span>
 <em>his fire</em>
<span> -- was that what they used here too? All he could remember was the screams of his parents, hot tears running down even hotter cheeks. Then -- nothing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nott found the basement, looking it over for a brief moment before attempting to unlock it and not succeeding. “Jester, open the door.” Her voice was even rougher than normal. Something was eating at her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Caleb. Open it.” The goblin demanded just as he began to cast mage armor. Shaking hand tugging at the leather thong strapped to his thigh.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay,” came the unusually meek reply from the tiefling despite Nott’s command to Caleb to do the same exact thing. shifting she angled so her shoulder was towards the door as she slammed into it. It still wouldn’t open. “I’m sorry, Nott.. Yasha?” She cast an apologetic look towards Nott before looking to Yasha.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yasha nodded, focusing for a moment, getting angry until it triggered her before she slammed harshly into the door with an almost inaudible grunt, the only noise was a resounding thud and the creaking of wood. Still, the lock held tight, withstanding the barbarian woman's rage.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>An </span>
  <em>
    <span>arcane lock</span>
  </em>
  <span>, then.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Unsure questions were thrown about, Caleb not moving to cast anything, so Jester did instead. With dispel magic, the physical lock falls open as the arcane lock dissipates.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Despite the locked door, the room looked tossed. peculiar. Shards of a broken table, more shattered glass, though not charred like the others before as this room had been untouched by the flames. As light flared with a tap of Caduceus’ staff, it revealed more contents of the room before the nein. An iron chest, and a single untouched chair in the center of the room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Though there was a lack of blood, a struggle had happened, which would account for the smashed furniture and upon investigation, blade scrapes on stone. It didn’t make sense for the chair to be sitting there, pristine though.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“--I mean, that seems-- that's weird.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Caleb decided that the opening to that statement from caduceus wasn’t of import, nor would be the conversation following it, so he instead focused more on investigating the room. The movement shortly after, however, caught his attention.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jester cautiously went up to the chair before wildly moving her hands where one would normally sit in search of an invisible person, like they had with avantika. After her hands found nothing but air, Jester turned and sat in it, trying to perceive if there would be anything different about the room from her spot in the chair. With a disappointed pout, she got up, it seems nothing had changed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Caleb stayed quiet and in his current spot while the others moved about the room. Searching for an exit or perhaps traps, maybe both. He didn’t know what to contribute to the situation, perhaps detect magic? Or would that be a waste of spell like the mage armor may have been?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>After a fruitless inspection of the chair, Nott moved for the chest, and despite Caduceus’ warning that it was likely trapped, she picked the lock. Another arcane lock, it fizzled out and the physical lock unlocked. Without bothering to look for any traps she opened it, as she did a puff of black gas hit her in the face. Despite its dizzying effects, she shrugged it off and took another drink from her flask before searching through the chest.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Inside was a silver tripod, looking as if it were made to hold something. Murmuring from Jester, the dodecahedron, maybe. A low toned conversation, Fjord suggesting they try it, Caduceus shooting it down with his own suggestion that they do it somewhere that wasn't the basement.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let's get out of here. Let's take it to-- have you seen this before?” Caleb found himself speaking up, aiming the question towards Nott. They were here for her, after all. There was this, feeling in his gut, telling him she was keeping something from them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As the chest was searched further, empty vials were found, one containing something-- it was tossed to Caleb, the wizard's hands cupping around it immediately and bringing it close so he could inspect it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bits of the conversation filtered in around him, talk of Dunamis, Kryn, </span>
  <em>
    <span>experiments</span>
  </em>
  <span>, Dunamancy and the schools of magic. All while Caleb carefully examined the glass vial in his hands, it was between the states of both liquid and gas, gray in coloring. It was nothing he’d ever seen before.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“--may I?” He cut in, looking from the vial to Nott as she stopped reading, stashing the glass away before taking the burnt piece of paper she’d been reading from and reading it himself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Blah, blah, blah,” Jester began as she too, read aloud what was on the paper she’d grabbed though he doubted that’s how the notes </span>
  <em>
    <span>actually</span>
  </em>
  <span> began.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Caleb did his best to read what was in front of him and listen to what Jester, and then Nott began reading from the other paper filled with notes. At the mention of Trent his head whipped up, staring intently as Jester read. His heart, which had just started to slow down, sped back up again. He heard nothing after Jester began saying ‘blah’ once more.</span>
</p><p>
    <em>Why</em>
  <span>? </span>
    <em>Why was he still here</em>
  <span>? </span>
    <em>What was he doing</em>
  <span>?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“H-ho-how, how- how does your friend f-fit into all of this?” He stammered out, trying to keep from crumpling the paper in his hands as anxiety spiked through him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don't know,” Nott sounded equally distraught, for different reasons. “He’s an- an excellent alchemist. They would probably need someone like that, but the Xhorhasians weren’t doing this. Someone else was. right?” She turned, gesturing towards Caleb. “Your people.” It was in a higher note, like a question. But it wasn't.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Your people,” Beau echoed, pointing towards Caleb as if for clarification.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Caleb’s expression crumpled, turning to Beau with furrowed brows and hurt in his eyes, lips parting to say something but Nott only barreled on.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Your people - your people were, were doing experiments and trying to, trying to f-find out and harness the power of-of--” She cut off for a moment at Caleb's gesturing, trying to signal her and get her to stop. He hadn’t told the rest of the Nein of what he’d done, of who he had been. But she continued on speaking, sounding angry now. “What? It’s your people - the people that you know and trained with.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Caleb grew paler, hands coming up to cover his face. teeth harshly biting on his bottom lip while his face was hidden behind his palms. Disgust and hurt and fear churned in his gut, threatening to spill out his mouth as bile crawled up his throat. </span>
    <em>His people</em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beau’s expression moved from conflicted to that of a grimace, motioning with her hands as she spoke on Caleb's behalf, trying to get Nott to stop talking, she was drinking and worked up. “It’s because they haven’t--” She cut off, unsure on how to word things in the moment, being as vague in her wording as possible, “He hasn’t, in terms of--”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, f - well, fuck him!” Nott’s voice rose as she cut Beau off, well and properly angry now.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh - wow, yeah.” The monk didn’t know what to say to that. The rest of the Nein were quiet, Caleb looked ill, Beau didn’t know what to do so she grew quiet as well, letting Nott continue on.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s your people that have done this to my people, and we have to find them both.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Caleb still didn’t say anything, staring at the ground now as his hands pushed into his hair, the scrap of paper long forgotten. After a moment he looked up, but not at her, not really at any of them. Eyes unfocused, he just stood there, out of it.</span>
</p><p>
    <em>Your people, your people, your people</em>
  <span>. </span>
    <em>His people. He was disgusting.</em>
</p><p>
  <span>More bile crawled it’s way up his throat and he couldn't keep it down this time. Caleb puked, both on himself and all over the floor around him. He was shaking as he retched, his ears ringing as Nott’s words just continued to play in his head.</span>
</p><p>
    <em>He shouldn’t be here. He needed to go. He needed to leave.</em>
</p><p>
  <span>He barely registered Caduceus’ arms around him as the firbolg picked him up, stiff in the man’s grasp as silent tears rolled down his cheeks. Instinctively Caleb moved to pry Caduceus’ hands off him but the firbolg held firm.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Caduceus had to hunch a little, getting close enough to where he could speak for only Caleb to hear and to keep the wizard in place. “You’re not at fault here.” He stated, his deep voice firmer than it usually is, but still aiming to be soothing all the same. He wanted to get his point across but he wanted to try and keep from upsetting Caleb further if possible. “You’re the solution here. you know that. right?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Caleb shifted in Caduceus’ grasp but ultimately kept still, and silent. Tears continued to run down his cheeks and bile creeped back up his throat, threatening to make him retch again. He didn’t believe Caduceus, the solution? How could </span>
  <em>
    <span>he</span>
  </em>
  <span> be the solution?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Unbeknownst to the wizard's inner thoughts, Caduceus kept talking. “We’re here to fix this. Don’t let her anger-- it’s not about you.” He paused, hoping that Caleb would see that. “This not about you.” He reaffirmed. keeping Caleb pressed to his chest as the wizard wiped the tears from his cheeks.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>After a few moments the pressure around Caleb's person was released, Caduceus stepping back so he could clean the vomit up. The wizard just stood there, eyes glassy as the others talked around him. He only moved when prompted, Yasha’s strong but gentle grip guiding back up the stairs and towards the cart.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Caleb just sat in the corner, making sure he was as far from Nott as he could get, staring at nothing. He didn’t move when the cart stopped once more, either. He just stayed in his place. Hearing Notts words, the sobs and screams of Bren as shards of crystal were stuck into his arms, screams that-- ultimately turned into the screams of his parents as they died by the fire he created.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
</body>
</html>